s a n c t u a r y .

dan semua.

maka hari ini, ijinkan aku bertanya...

apa gunanya hidup kalau hanya untuk bertahan?
bertahan dari sengatan mentari yang tajamnya menguras peluh.
bertahan dari dinginnya malam yang menusuk tulang.
bertahan dari deru badai yang mengguncang sanubari

apa gunanya hidup kalau hanya dijalani sebagai mekanisme pertahanan
hari demi hari, hanya utk menemukan bagaimana cara tubuh, jiwa dan hati ini bisa bertahan melewati hari
berawal dari matahari terbit, berkuasa disarangnya di langit sana, hingga akhirnya lelah berganti malam

ketika berganti bulan yang mengambil alih
tubuh, jiwa dan hati yang telah mengalami hidupnya selama satu hari diizinkan beristirahat sejenak,
melepas peluh, mengistirahatkan sejenak pertahanannya,
untuk mempersiapkan hari esok yang kurang lebih sama,
jikalau Sang Pencipta mengizinkan. Begitulah seterusnya

hidup dalam sebuah siklus yang kurang lebih sama
sampai pada akhirnya tiba, semua menjadi tidak berarti
sebab pada akhirnya, semua tidak berarti
semua pencapaian, semua mimpi
semua perasaan, semua emosi yang kerap kali menghantui.
semua isak tangis, semua dendam amarah, semua benci.
yang tinggal hanyalah kesan

sebab pada akhirnya semua yang terjadi, semua drama, semua peran yang kita lakoni akan lenyap
lenyap.. seperti mimpi..
pada akhirnya seribu tahun hanya terasa seperti mimpi..
pada akhirnya... semua tidak berarti...

quotes of the day.

Barney  "Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do"
Marshall  "Doo-doo! [laughs]"
Barney  "[chuckles] Totally."

Ted  "Ultimately, we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it."


Lily  "We all have to live with the mistakes we make, but how often do you get to bash the living hell out of them!?"

Marshall  "This is not that uncommon! You know, in Thailand, in China, in Costa Rica, and in many other places where monkey crime is an extremely common occurrence, their social dynamics are predicated upon stealing!"
Lily  "You got mugged by a monkey!"


Barney  "People like being lied to. They just don't like finding out they've been lied to."


Ted  "You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you."
Marshall  "Lily."
Robin  "Mike Shacks."
Barney  "That girl over there."

Marshall  "I love you and I'm going to love the crap out of whatever kind of baby we have."



... from the TV Show How I Met Your Mother season 5 & 6. Always loving their absurd-but-loving kind of friendship : )

dear both of you.

when will you finally understand?
that this little girl of yours is a rebel, wild at heart.
will you accept me the way I am?

when will you understand that I'm different?
different doesn't have to be wrong.
different isn't a sin.

when will you understand that He didn't make a mistake while creating me?
no, He never made any mistakes.

when will you understand, that for me.. life is meant to be enjoyed. not by pushed too hard being someone I'm not supposed to be?

when.. oh when you'll understand, that I'm not one of those sweet girls, working in a bank, marrying a workaholic rich guy introduced by her mom, live in a big house, then holding a baby wearing baby GAP and guess kid, live happily ever after?

I'm not one of them.

I guess... I'm not.

"It’s not worth anything more than this at all
I live as I choose or I will not live at all

I’m free to decide, I’m free to decide
And I’m not so suicidal after all

So to hell with what you’re thinking
And to hell with your narrow mind
You’re so distracted from the real thing
You should leave your life behind (behind)"

 The Cranberries - Free to decide.


Please... Just let me be someone I should be?

sun.sky.earth

Bali, Feb 2010.

it's already there : )

You spend your days hoping
You spend you nights wishing
You always feeling something is missing
Can't you see? Don't you know?
You don't have so far to go

It's already there what you're looking for
It's already there, don't have to search anymore
Open your eyes, believe that it's true
It's already there inside of you

You spend your time thinking, you'll never make it
Everyone loves you but your heart's always breaking
In my eyes, see what I see
You're beautiful to me

Keep looking outside yourself
But you won't find it anywhere else

Because more and more I feel You, the more I fall in love with You......
The sweetest thing, that You watch me from above.

Yes.. I am in love with You, Divine....

: )



taken from this

Dieu, je veux une bonne vie.

 

I.....

 just want what every princess want....

to live happily..........

ever...

after...

THE END.

ups and downs.

Life.

ups and downs.
people thought 'ups' are good, 'downs' are bad.
'ups' made you overwhelmed, while 'downs' turn you depressed
'ups' feed your ego, while 'downs' broke them.
'ups' lifted you high,while 'downs' pull you below.

ups and downs.

some try to define life by rollercoaster.
some try to define it with a wheele.
some define it by a circle : it continues.

Acceptable or not.

This is the law : "There must be ups and downs while you are still alive"... and baby,...

"There is no ups, without downs."

me.

My name is jessica.
I'm 23 on July 2010.
I love rain drops, blue skies, wind breeze,trees, flowers.
I love nature-literally.

I love to read ensyclopedia and graphic novels when my parents couldn't afford to buy me one. So visiting the nearest playground with a mini library inside become my childhood pleasure. Easy yet amusing. Sitting all day, drain my-self in the world of science and imagination. Nothing compares.

I love, love, love to read, and draw. And music. I read everything when I was a child. From children magazines, my Indonesian literature school-book, my english course hand-book (which I still kept), my mom's books and magazines, my dad's business book, his traveler's guide to Europe and map(which made me dreamt about travelling the world whole of my life) my grandma's books, my grandpa's books, everything else that can be read.

So I started deciding my future. I want to be a stewardess on grade 4, a fashion designer on grade 5 and 6, an archeologist on 2nd and 3rd grade junior high, a psychologist on 1st and 2nd senior high, and an interior designer on 3rd grade, the one finally chosen as my carrier to-be, at least until my 1st year in uni.

And still, while all of responsibility and such have to be done, I fill my thoughts and heart with other beautiful things. I convince my self to study not for a bachelor degree. There is more than that. I enjoyed most of all my time studying at uni. Not as smart and talented as those people around me, I enjoyed reading books for hours in the library, translating architecture philosophy for my best friends.

So I studied, enjoyed and understand. Good marks, average marks, on and on.Final project, graduate, bachelor degree. I dedicate my degree for my parents, the one who struggle and worked very hard to support all my needs during my days at schools.

And so now I'm here. Nowhere to go. Still in search of what future holds. They said I should focus on my carrier, get good job, good money. I said life is more than that.

All in my life I've learned to see beautiful things in different perspective. Still long way to go, the gate to my future is wide open. Focus on your dream they said, while I'm still searching. While people are honored for their talents, I'm still searching for a place that suits mine. A place where I could share those ensyclopedies, novels, and books I've read to others. Where I could share my struggle, my mistakes, my hopes and prayer as an inspiration to others. where I could learn and live life with others. Where I could share that life is more than money, pride, self-status and fame. Life is more than that. yes, life is more than that.

I'm still searching.