when will you finally understand?
that this little girl of yours is a rebel, wild at heart.
will you accept me the way I am?
when will you understand that I'm different?
different doesn't have to be wrong.
different isn't a sin.
when will you understand that He didn't make a mistake while creating me?
no, He never made any mistakes.
when will you understand, that for me.. life is meant to be enjoyed. not by pushed too hard being someone I'm not supposed to be?
when.. oh when you'll understand, that I'm not one of those sweet girls, working in a bank, marrying a workaholic rich guy introduced by her mom, live in a big house, then holding a baby wearing baby GAP and guess kid, live happily ever after?
I'm not one of them.
I guess... I'm not.
"It’s not worth anything more than this at all
I live as I choose or I will not live at all
I’m free to decide, I’m free to decide
And I’m not so suicidal after all
So to hell with what you’re thinking
And to hell with your narrow mind
You’re so distracted from the real thing
You should leave your life behind (behind)"
You spend your days hoping
You spend you nights wishing
You always feeling something is missing
Can't you see? Don't you know?
You don't have so far to go
It's already there what you're looking for
It's already there, don't have to search anymore
Open your eyes, believe that it's true
It's already there inside of you
You spend your time thinking, you'll never make it
Everyone loves you but your heart's always breaking
In my eyes, see what I see
You're beautiful to me
Keep looking outside yourself
But you won't find it anywhere else
Because more and more I feel You, the more I fall in love with You......
The sweetest thing, that You watch me from above.
ups and downs.
people thought 'ups' are good, 'downs' are bad.
'ups' made you overwhelmed, while 'downs' turn you depressed
'ups' feed your ego, while 'downs' broke them.
'ups' lifted you high,while 'downs' pull you below.
ups and downs.
some try to define life by rollercoaster.
some try to define it with a wheele.
some define it by a circle : it continues.
Acceptable or not.
This is the law : "There must be ups and downs while you are still alive"... and baby,...
My name is jessica.
I'm 23 on July 2010.
I love rain drops, blue skies, wind breeze,trees, flowers.
I love nature-literally.
I love to read ensyclopedia and graphic novels when my parents couldn't afford to buy me one. So visiting the nearest playground with a mini library inside become my childhood pleasure. Easy yet amusing. Sitting all day, drain my-self in the world of science and imagination. Nothing compares.
I love, love, love to read, and draw. And music. I read everything when I was a child. From children magazines, my Indonesian literature school-book, my english course hand-book (which I still kept), my mom's books and magazines, my dad's business book, his traveler's guide to Europe and map(which made me dreamt about travelling the world whole of my life) my grandma's books, my grandpa's books, everything else that can be read.
So I started deciding my future. I want to be a stewardess on grade 4, a fashion designer on grade 5 and 6, an archeologist on 2nd and 3rd grade junior high, a psychologist on 1st and 2nd senior high, and an interior designer on 3rd grade, the one finally chosen as my carrier to-be, at least until my 1st year in uni.
And still, while all of responsibility and such have to be done, I fill my thoughts and heart with other beautiful things. I convince my self to study not for a bachelor degree. There is more than that. I enjoyed most of all my time studying at uni. Not as smart and talented as those people around me, I enjoyed reading books for hours in the library, translating architecture philosophy for my best friends.
So I studied, enjoyed and understand. Good marks, average marks, on and on.Final project, graduate, bachelor degree. I dedicate my degree for my parents, the one who struggle and worked very hard to support all my needs during my days at schools.
And so now I'm here. Nowhere to go. Still in search of what future holds. They said I should focus on my carrier, get good job, good money. I said life is more than that.
All in my life I've learned to see beautiful things in different perspective. Still long way to go, the gate to my future is wide open. Focus on your dream they said, while I'm still searching. While people are honored for their talents, I'm still searching for a place that suits mine. A place where I could share those ensyclopedies, novels, and books I've read to others. Where I could share my struggle, my mistakes, my hopes and prayer as an inspiration to others. where I could learn and live life with others. Where I could share that life is more than money, pride, self-status and fame. Life is more than that. yes, life is more than that.
Don't teach your children life lessons with talks. Just show them in your daylife.
Don't ask your daughter to stop dating older man.. Be a good role model instead.. Teach them what they want to know. They wouldn't need other mature people to satisfy their hunger of maturity.
Don't be a police guard who stays awake waiting them come home until 3 a.m.. Be their best friend and ask what they're doing on the next day instead.
Don't yell at your children to tidy up their room.. Give them an understanding about hygiene and health instead.
Don't act like a dictator.. Just learn that people born with different characters. Adapt with your children's differences. They'll learn to obey you with their own way and put their trust on you as their friend.
Don't compare your children to others and show your disatisfaction to them. It will hurt themselves, as long as start comparing you with other parents too.
Don't judge your children's friends just because they're tattoed, pierced or playing heavy metal music. Try to understand that God created people in many kind of appearance and just try to accept them and be their trustable friend instead. They will put their trust in you and never lie behind your back.
Don't be angry if they do wrong, just remember that a fault is just one step closer to success, and believe that experience is one of the best teacher in our lives. Just teach them how to handle bad conditions and be their shoulder to cry on instead. They'll grow stronger than what you expect.
Don't bring too much negative thoughts out from your head.. If you're sure you've nurtured and teach them your best, just relax, put your trust on them as they grew older, and just believe that the God, the One you always pray to, watches them regulary and take care of them for you.
Don't force your children to accept your believes and your perspective of life. Understand that you get different acknowledge in different environment and different condition. Things will never be the same for you and your children. Try to appreciate their thoughts instead. They'll grow up to be an open-minded and responsible kids.
Don't ever think that your children will always be children. Just accept their maturity fase, and understand that what goes around comes around. They're soon gonna grow up just like you..
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love, but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday. --Kahlil Gibran
Forgive us dear parents... but trully, a message from our deepest heart.. Not to be understanable.. yes.. Uneasily accepted.. I'm sure it is
But that's the way it should be...mothers & fathers
So just pray with your pure gentle heart... that the Light may guide the path of our life.. N hope that this track is the best...
Maggie Rice: Do you feel that? Seth: Yes. Maggie Rice: And that? How's it feel? Tell me what it feels like. Seth: I can't. Maggie Rice: Try. Seth: Warm. Aching. Maggie Rice: It's okay. We fit together. Seth: I know. Maggie Rice: We were made to fit together.
City of Angels, 1995
Sigh*... Sometimes I'm hoping things would run smoothly and perfecto just like those fairytale movies. ........ ........ ........ But who am I to ask.. For we're just some piece of puzzle who's here to complete the picture of life.
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