all things magic.

merry christmas...

2012-01-02T13:16:00.000+07:00

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan memilih untuk menciptakan Adam, kemudian Eva untuk menemaninya, memiliki keturunan dan memenuhi bumi.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan memilih dan memanggil Nuh untuk membangun bahtera ditengah cemoohan orang disekitarnya.

Hanya karena cinta Tuhan menciptakan pelangi sebagai tanda kasih dan perjanjian kepada manusia ciptaan-Nya bahwa tidak akan ada lagi air bah sekarang sampai selama-lamanya.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan memanggil Abraham, memberkatinya berlimpah-limpah dan menjadikannya Bapa orang beriman, leluhur Yesus Kristus penebus manusia.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan mencegah Abraham mengurbankan Ishak anaknya, dan memberikan hewan sebagai gantinya.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan memilih, lalu meluangkan waktu untuk bergumul dengan Yakub, mengubah namanya menjadi cikal bakal sebuah bangsa yang besar, Israel.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan mengizinkan Yusuf dicobai di padang gurun, dipenjara, lalu mengangkat dia kepada kemenangan demi kemenangan.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan membawa bangsa Israel keluar dari perbudakan bangsa Mesir dengan tuntunan Musa dan Yosua menuju Tanah Perjanjian.

Hanya karena cinta, pintu maaf-Nya yang lebar senantiasa terbuka untuk Daud, Tuhan memilih Daud menjadi raja kaum Israel, jatuh ke dalam dosa, bertobat, jatuh lagi untuk kesekian kali, namun Tuhan mengampuni.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan menganugerahkan kebijaksanaan dan kekayaan tiada terukur banyaknya kepada Salomo.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan memahkotai dan memberikan Ester kesempatan menjadi ratu bangsa Persia.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan menjagai dan membawa keluar Sadrakh, Mesakh dan Abednego dari api yang menyala-nyala.

Hanya karena cinta, Tuhan menjadikan Daniel orang terpandang di negara Baal, bahkan menutup mulut singa yang seharusnya memangsanya.

Hanya karena cinta dan pengampunan yang luar biasa, karya penyelamatan terbesar terjadi. Tuhan mengirimkan anak-Nya yang tunggal Yesus Kristus ke rahim seorang wanita, hidup selayaknya manusia, mati oleh manusia, demi penebusan dosa manusia.

Dan hanya karena cinta, Tuhan raja semesta alam akan datang kembali menjemput mempelai-Nya untuk tinggal dalam kerajaan kekal tidak berkesudahan.

Amen.

quote of the day

2011-02-08T09:48:00.002+07:00

“Everyone is always going through tough things, the irony in it is that everyone thinks what they’re going through is just as hard as what you are. Life isn’t about surviving this, it’s about understanding this.“ Nicholas Sparks

y o u a r e

2011-01-21T23:51:00.000+07:00

w a c k y .

I took this quiz a couple mins ago : "What's true about you" quiz and here's the result.

"To say you're weird would be a complete understatement. You're definitely one of a kind.
You have some interesting theories on life... so interesting that they freak other people out.

It's likely that you're into arcane topics of all sorts. You like unusual facts.
You are operating at a whole other wavelength. Very few people truly get you."

Oh, really?

s a n c t u a r y .

2010-12-02T09:11:00.002+07:00

Taken : September '08, somewhere in Gili Trawangan

dan semua.

2010-11-26T16:59:00.001+07:00

maka hari ini, ijinkan aku bertanya...

apa gunanya hidup kalau hanya untuk bertahan?
bertahan dari sengatan mentari yang tajamnya menguras peluh.
bertahan dari dinginnya malam yang menusuk tulang.
bertahan dari deru badai yang mengguncang sanubari

apa gunanya hidup kalau hanya dijalani sebagai mekanisme pertahanan
hari demi hari, hanya utk menemukan bagaimana cara tubuh, jiwa dan hati ini bisa bertahan melewati hari
berawal dari matahari terbit, berkuasa disarangnya di langit sana, hingga akhirnya lelah berganti malam

ketika berganti bulan yang mengambil alih
tubuh, jiwa dan hati yang telah mengalami hidupnya selama satu hari diizinkan beristirahat sejenak,
melepas peluh, mengistirahatkan sejenak pertahanannya,
untuk mempersiapkan hari esok yang kurang lebih sama,
jikalau Sang Pencipta mengizinkan. Begitulah seterusnya

hidup dalam sebuah siklus yang kurang lebih sama
sampai pada akhirnya tiba, semua menjadi tidak berarti
sebab pada akhirnya, semua tidak berarti
semua pencapaian, semua mimpi
semua perasaan, semua emosi yang kerap kali menghantui.
semua isak tangis, semua dendam amarah, semua benci.
yang tinggal hanyalah kesan

sebab pada akhirnya semua yang terjadi, semua drama, semua peran yang kita lakoni akan lenyap
lenyap.. seperti mimpi..
pada akhirnya seribu tahun hanya terasa seperti mimpi..
pada akhirnya... semua tidak berarti...

quotes of the day.

2010-11-19T16:31:00.003+07:00

Barney "Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do"
Marshall "Doo-doo! [laughs]"
Barney "[chuckles] Totally."

Ted "Ultimately, we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it."

Lily "We all have to live with the mistakes we make, but how often do you get to bash the living hell out of them!?"

Marshall "This is not that uncommon! You know, in Thailand, in China, in Costa Rica, and in many other places where monkey crime is an extremely common occurrence, their social dynamics are predicated upon stealing!"
Lily "You got mugged by a monkey!"

Barney "People like being lied to. They just don't like finding out they've been lied to."

Ted "You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you."
Marshall "Lily."
Robin "Mike Shacks."
Barney "That girl over there."

Marshall "I love you and I'm going to love the crap out of whatever kind of baby we have."

... from the TV Show How I Met Your Mother season 5 & 6. Always loving their absurd-but-loving kind of friendship : )

dear both of you.

2010-08-04T20:15:00.010+07:00

when will you finally understand?
that this little girl of yours is a rebel, wild at heart.
will you accept me the way I am?

when will you understand that I'm different?
different doesn't have to be wrong.
different isn't a sin.

when will you understand that He didn't make a mistake while creating me?
no, He never made any mistakes.

when will you understand, that for me.. life is meant to be enjoyed. not by pushed too hard being someone I'm not supposed to be?

when.. oh when you'll understand, that I'm not one of those sweet girls, working in a bank, marrying a workaholic rich guy introduced by her mom, live in a big house, then holding a baby wearing baby GAP and guess kid, live happily ever after?

I'm not one of them.

I guess... I'm not.

"It’s not worth anything more than this at all
I live as I choose or I will not live at all

I’m free to decide, I’m free to decide
And I’m not so suicidal after all

So to hell with what you’re thinking
And to hell with your narrow mind
You’re so distracted from the real thing
You should leave your life behind (behind)"

The Cranberries - Free to decide.

Please... Just let me be someone I should be?

sun.sky.earth

2010-05-15T14:23:00.002+07:00

Bali, Feb 2010.

it's already there : )

2010-05-10T19:52:00.002+07:00

You spend your days hoping
You spend you nights wishing
You always feeling something is missing
Can't you see? Don't you know?
You don't have so far to go

It's already there what you're looking for
It's already there, don't have to search anymore
Open your eyes, believe that it's true
It's already there inside of you

You spend your time thinking, you'll never make it
Everyone loves you but your heart's always breaking
In my eyes, see what I see
You're beautiful to me

Keep looking outside yourself
But you won't find it anywhere else

Because more and more I feel You, the more I fall in love with You......
The sweetest thing, that You watch me from above.

Yes.. I am in love with You, Divine....

: )

taken from this

Dieu, je veux une bonne vie.

2010-05-08T12:19:00.002+07:00

I.....

just want what every princess want....

to live happily..........

ever...

after...

THE END.

ups and downs.

2010-05-08T11:38:00.003+07:00

Life.

ups and downs.
people thought 'ups' are good, 'downs' are bad.
'ups' made you overwhelmed, while 'downs' turn you depressed
'ups' feed your ego, while 'downs' broke them.
'ups' lifted you high,while 'downs' pull you below.

ups and downs.

some try to define life by rollercoaster.
some try to define it with a wheele.
some define it by a circle : it continues.

Acceptable or not.

This is the law : "There must be ups and downs while you are still alive"... and baby,...

"There is no ups, without downs."

me.

2010-02-20T11:39:00.004+07:00

My name is jessica.
I'm 23 on July 2010.
I love rain drops, blue skies, wind breeze,trees, flowers.
I love nature-literally.

I love to read ensyclopedia and graphic novels when my parents couldn't afford to buy me one. So visiting the nearest playground with a mini library inside become my childhood pleasure. Easy yet amusing. Sitting all day, drain my-self in the world of science and imagination. Nothing compares.

I love, love, love to read, and draw. And music. I read everything when I was a child. From children magazines, my Indonesian literature school-book, my english course hand-book (which I still kept), my mom's books and magazines, my dad's business book, his traveler's guide to Europe and map(which made me dreamt about travelling the world whole of my life) my grandma's books, my grandpa's books, everything else that can be read.

So I started deciding my future. I want to be a stewardess on grade 4, a fashion designer on grade 5 and 6, an archeologist on 2nd and 3rd grade junior high, a psychologist on 1st and 2nd senior high, and an interior designer on 3rd grade, the one finally chosen as my carrier to-be, at least until my 1st year in uni.

And still, while all of responsibility and such have to be done, I fill my thoughts and heart with other beautiful things. I convince my self to study not for a bachelor degree. There is more than that. I enjoyed most of all my time studying at uni. Not as smart and talented as those people around me, I enjoyed reading books for hours in the library, translating architecture philosophy for my best friends.

So I studied, enjoyed and understand. Good marks, average marks, on and on.Final project, graduate, bachelor degree. I dedicate my degree for my parents, the one who struggle and worked very hard to support all my needs during my days at schools.

And so now I'm here. Nowhere to go. Still in search of what future holds. They said I should focus on my carrier, get good job, good money. I said life is more than that.

All in my life I've learned to see beautiful things in different perspective. Still long way to go, the gate to my future is wide open. Focus on your dream they said, while I'm still searching. While people are honored for their talents, I'm still searching for a place that suits mine. A place where I could share those ensyclopedies, novels, and books I've read to others. Where I could share my struggle, my mistakes, my hopes and prayer as an inspiration to others. where I could learn and live life with others. Where I could share that life is more than money, pride, self-status and fame. Life is more than that. yes, life is more than that.

I'm still searching.

d e a r p a r e n t s . . .

2009-11-07T17:58:00.003+07:00

Don't teach your children life lessons with talks. Just show them in your daylife.

Don't ask your daughter to stop dating older man.. Be a good role model instead.. Teach them what they want to know. They wouldn't need other mature people to satisfy their hunger of maturity.

Don't be a police guard who stays awake waiting them come home until 3 a.m.. Be their best friend and ask what they're doing on the next day instead.

Don't yell at your children to tidy up their room.. Give them an understanding about hygiene and health instead.

Don't act like a dictator.. Just learn that people born with different characters. Adapt with your children's differences. They'll learn to obey you with their own way and put their trust on you as their friend.

Don't compare your children to others and show your disatisfaction to them. It will hurt themselves, as long as start comparing you with other parents too.

Don't judge your children's friends just because they're tattoed, pierced or playing heavy metal music. Try to understand that God created people in many kind of appearance and just try to accept them and be their trustable friend instead. They will put their trust in you and never lie behind your back.

Don't be angry if they do wrong, just remember that a fault is just one step closer to success, and believe that experience is one of the best teacher in our lives. Just teach them how to handle bad conditions and be their shoulder to cry on instead. They'll grow stronger than what you expect.

Don't bring too much negative thoughts out from your head.. If you're sure you've nurtured and teach them your best, just relax, put your trust on them as they grew older, and just believe that the God, the One you always pray to, watches them regulary and take care of them for you.

Don't force your children to accept your believes and your perspective of life. Understand that you get different acknowledge in different environment and different condition. Things will never be the same for you and your children. Try to appreciate their thoughts instead. They'll grow up to be an open-minded and responsible kids.

Don't ever think that your children will always be children. Just accept their maturity fase, and understand that what goes around comes around. They're soon gonna grow up just like you..

Be prepare instead.

we are the children of life.

2009-07-13T18:45:00.003+07:00

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday.
--Kahlil Gibran

Forgive us dear parents... but trully, a message from our deepest heart..
Not to be understanable.. yes..
Uneasily accepted.. I'm sure it is

But that's the way it should be...mothers & fathers

So just pray with your pure gentle heart...
that the Light may guide the path of our life..
N hope that this track is the best...

Jessica is currently....

2009-07-06T12:26:00.001+07:00

In a search of a place to anchoring her soul...
To lay down her head...
To rest her mind...

Anyplace, anyone?

wings of desire.

2009-06-30T12:13:00.006+07:00

Maggie Rice: Do you feel that?
Seth: Yes.
Maggie Rice: And that? How's it feel? Tell me what it feels like.
Seth: I can't.
Maggie Rice: Try.
Seth: Warm. Aching.
Maggie Rice: It's okay. We fit together.
Seth: I know.
Maggie Rice: We were made to fit together.

City of Angels, 1995

Sigh*...
Sometimes I'm hoping things would run smoothly and perfecto just like those fairytale movies.
........
........
........
But who am I to ask..
For we're just some piece of puzzle who's here to complete the picture of life.

I'm still here waitin for the best...

Quote of the day.

2009-06-20T20:27:00.003+07:00

Elinor Dashwood : Did he tell you he loved you?
Marianne : Yes... no. Never absolutely. It was everyday implied but never declared.

(Sense and Sensibility, 1995)

GANDHI in FAITH.

2009-06-19T00:13:00.008+07:00

"All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take."

"Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well."

"Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into."

"God sometimes does try to the uttermost those whom he wishes to bless."

"Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening."

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

Verse of the day.

2009-06-18T23:52:00.005+07:00

John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Terlanjur Sayang =)

2009-04-27T11:45:00.004+07:00

Dearest my treasure of life...

Terimakasih untuk mengijinkan aku menempati sebuah bagian ruang dalam hati kalian yang disana ditempatkan berbagai macam perabot jiwa.
Terimakasih untuk memberikan aku kesempatan mencoret kanvas kehidupan kalian dengan warna terang binar kehidupan maupun warna pekat keredupan cahaya.
Terimakasih untuk memberikanku kepercayaan menggandeng tanganmu dan menuntun disaat kau tersesat dalam kegelapan..
Terimakasih untuk mahalnya detik, menit dan jam yang dengan ikhlas kalian relakan untuk berbagi segala macam bahan baku pembentuk kehidupan...
Terimakasih untuk telinga yang senantiasa mendengar isak tangis dan tawa bahagia...
Terimakasih untuk mata yang tajam dan teliti menembus segala kelemahan dan kekurangan..
Terimakasih untuk lengan yang selalu direntangkan kapan pun aku membutuhkan kehangatan cinta sebagai pengusir kebekuan jiwa...
Terimakasih untuk untaian indah kata-kata bijak, nasihat, teguran, pujian...
Terimakasih untuk hati semurni emas yang senantiasa menerima, melupakan, menutupi dan mengikhlaskan segala ketidaksempurnaan...

There just never enough words to describe....
Love u guys =)
(didedikasikan untuk setiap individu yang merasa pernah terlibat dalam adegan tersebut bersama saya.. u're my treasure of life...)

p e r f e c t .

2009-04-25T20:06:00.004+07:00

Sometimes it's never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying

Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect

Alanis Morisette "Jagged Little Pill" (1995)

"Never would done that to my children promise..."

Quotes of the day.

2009-04-04T09:43:00.005+07:00

...and so is the average people do.. Have u considered urself to be beyond average? It's better coz admirance need some one to tell it for u. But beyond average make u don't need that kind of words. They're already in u!

Yeah.... stop worrying n questioning stupid questions too much. Just smile, live ur life, n good things usually come in the moment u most unexpected.

Have a groooovy dayyyy =)

2009-03-31T02:52:00.003+07:00

Thank U...

2009-03-26T20:00:00.005+07:00

Courtesy of www.deviantart.com

U are the One who knitted me in my mom's womb..
Every inches of my cells U know..
U layered dreams in my head
U put arouse dreams in my mind
U stored blessings to flow into me day by day.
Even before I opened my eyes, U’ve prepared the grace for me ahead

Every ignorance, every fall, every failure, U knew
Every tear, every pain, every agony, every cry, U understood
Even before I cried out, U had listened

How could I ever be dissapointed to U, Lord God?
How could I possibly blame U?

For U're the One who understand me, inside-out.
For U are the One who guide me through my path, step by step.

And how beautiful it is when I always knew, that U're always there.
Watches me from above.
Just because U love me..

Big thanks 4 miss maria...
=)

A Thankful Heart.

2009-03-18T23:13:00.001+07:00

Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself.

--Anonymous

A Time to Remember.

2009-03-16T21:21:00.004+07:00

Tumpukan ilmu dan hasil fotografi ini adalah "saksi bisu" kegilaan angkatan kami dalam menghadapi final project (baca : tugas akhir) kali ini. Yes, this is our last semester. Dan minggu ini sidang evaluasi sedang berlangsung.

Semua orang kayak diamuk badai.. Frekuensi kunjungan ke perpustakaan kampus meningkat. Frekuensi ketemuan sekedar kongkow-nothing-to do jauh berkurang. Sebagian besar anak memasang raut muka tegang tiap bertemu. Wajar. Ini sidang penentuan. Kalau yang ini tidak lulus... Bonus extend 1/2 tahun... Congratz then, kata dosen pembimbing kami saat briefing TA jumat kemarin.

Dan disaat-saat seperti ini, semua orang selalu lupa. Bahwa yang terindah sebenarnya adalah prosesnya. Sebut saya gila, tapi saya menikmati semua proses ini dengan senyum dan hati tenang... Sebut saya gila lagi, tapi ditengah-tengah semua kegilaan ini saya malah terinspirasi untuk menuliskan kenang-kenangan buat si tugas akhir.
Hehehe.....

Belum... Saya belum selesai. kerjaan saya masih menumpuk.. Sangat sangat banyak.

Tapi melihat perubahan status anak2 di sebuah situs pertemanan paling hot saat ini.. Yang semua lebih kurang sedang mengidolakan yang namanya si tugas akhir itu (ada juga sih yang memaki.. yah biasalah. namanya juga perjuangan berat..)
Rasanya waktu-waktu seperti ini indah sekali...
Waktu-waktu yang ngga akan terulang lagi, setelah kita memakai toga nanti. Hebohnya ngeprint kerjaan dikertas selebar kamar kostan, hebohnya meramaikan perpustakaan, hebohnya memburu dosen (tanpa memikirkan betapa stressnya dia menghadapi puluhan makhluk yang minta bimbingan setiap hari), hebohnya kita saat saling bertukar info demi melengkapi bab 4 yang katanya harus lebih tebal dari bab 2....

These are wonderful things that time won't repeat...

"We may make our future by the best use of the present. There is no moment like the present."

Yeah... because these times wouldn't come back..
I thought then the best is to enjoy these precious moments...
Just soak in it...

Dan saya merasa... akan sangat merindukan momen-momen ini....

Gud luck guys....
This battle is ours to fight together
=)

Time to Leave.

2009-03-15T17:06:00.006+07:00

I have to admit.....
That I hate this feeling....

Ternyata ngga ada yang abadi di dunia ini. Bahkan sesuatu yang kau pertahankan sekuat-kuatnya. Yang berasal dari dalam dirimu sendiri.

Ketika sudah tiba waktunya kau harus menyerah....

Dan saat itu juga aku berteriak...

Tuhan!!!
Kenapa cuma sampai disini kemampuanku???

Maaf, sungguh... maafkan aku....
Karena hatiku sakit saat mengungkapkan ini. Karena sesungguhnya aku ngga sampai hati..

Tapi aku harus...

Dan mungkin dari sini aku mulai beranjak.
Bangkit, dan mulai berjalan ke arah yang seharusnya...

Di luar sana hujan... Rintik hujan...
Dan disini... saat ini, telingaku penuh dengan lagu-lagu cinta...

Tapi ternyata hati ini bisa kebal... Ada waktunya untuk menutup rapat...

Sekali lagi maafkan aku...

"drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown"
Let Go - Frou Frou.

Another Beautiful Thought.

2009-03-14T10:43:00.011+07:00

Landon : Hey. How are you feeling?
Jamie : I'm ok, how are you?
Landon : Pretty good.
Jamie : I have something for you.
Landon : You do?
Jamie : Uh hmm... Don't worry it's not a bible. It was my mother's. It's got quotes from all her favorite books, and quotes by famous people. Her thoughts. Come on.
Landon : Okay, let's check it out. Okay..."What is a friend? It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies." -Aristotle.
Jamie : Uh uh, right here.
Landon : Okay. "Find out who you are, and do it on purpose." That's Dolly Parton.
Jamie : I always thought she was smart.
Landon : "Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."
From the film A Walk to Remember.

"More new lesson for today... Sometimes we must be reminded again & again.... Beberapa hal kadang membuat kita kebal. Beberapa membuat sakit hati. "Kesabaran ada batasnya." kalimat favorit ketika keadaan sudah diluar batas kemampuan diri untuk menghadapi. Ketika kita bertanya-tanya, what the hell turns him into that monster? Well, all u gotta do is breath in, just ask some more love from HIM, n every thing will be okay.Because often things would look different n amazingly much better when we start to think with love, act with love, and hope with love. HIS love definitely."

Because LOVE is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful.

=)

Quotes of the day.

2009-03-13T20:06:00.001+07:00

"Coz life is a battleship anyway. So why we always tryin to escape from a battle?"
Jessica Maria Silaban

(Inspired by the path of my life these 2 weeks...)
=)

Ahh.

2009-03-09T21:30:00.001+07:00

"Even all my anxieties have anxieties."
Charlie Brown from Peanuts.

Anxiety is a psychological and physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components.[1] These components combine to create an unpleasant feeling that is typically associated with uneasiness, fear, or worry.

Anxiety is a generalized mood state that occurs without an identifiable triggering stimulus. As such, it is distinguished from fear, which occurs in the presence of an external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.[2]

Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress. It may help a person to deal with a difficult situation, for example at work or at school, by prompting one to cope with it. When anxiety becomes excessive, it may fall under the classification of an anxiety disorder.[3]

A Peanuts Value.

2009-03-09T19:51:00.007+07:00

Sebuah pelajaran dari comic strip ternama di dunia...
It's not too bad to be the one who helps, u know...
Orang besar adalah orang yang melayani sesamanya... Saya sangat percaya itu.
Have a good night
=)

"Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profundity.
Kindness in giving creates love"
Lao Tzu

Quote of the day.

2009-03-05T09:38:00.002+07:00

"when life's got you down all you have to do is swim, swim, swim, swim, just keep on swimming."

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming and you just swiiim!"
Dori

how it have to be like this.

2009-03-03T00:08:00.003+07:00

2 jam lalu saya menelpon sahabat dekat saya. udah dua minggu sejak percakapan terakhir yang lumayan lama, saya ngerasa saya udah ketinggalan banyak cerita.

Dan ternyata memang benar.

Pheeeewwwww........
all I can say is how life can be so complicated to each one of us. How life can be so hard. How can we all facing difficult times now on.

Different problem for different person.

Kata orang, masalah bagaikan medan peperangan. Datang pada orang-orang yang siap bertempur. Yang tujuannya adalah memperoleh kemenangan.
Katanya masalah adalah ujian yang harus dihadapi seseorang untuk menghadapi kadar kedewasaan yang lebih tinggi.

Saya lagi ngga bisa berkata-kata banyak.

Otak ini penuh.
Penuh dengan berbagai macam pertanyaan...
Hati ini penuh.
Penuh dengan berbagai macam perasaan....

Kenapa?

Apa?

Bagaimana?

Kapan?

Sedih...

Kaget...

Perih...

Luka...

Akan terjawabkah pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini?

Tulisan ini akan saya tutup dengan sebuah pesan :
Apapun keadaannya. Bagaimana pun sakitnya. Bertindaklah benar. Responlah dengan benar. Berpikirlah dengan benar. Berharaplah dengan benar.

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
Mark Twain

s i t e v i s i t .

2009-03-02T17:30:00.011+07:00

villa dewi sri project.
canggu, bali.06.11.08.

foto-foto yang udah lumayan lama dicuekin di dalam foldernya. antara lain karena kelupaan dan sibuk dengan foto-foto lain yang lebih menarik (eg: penuh dengan muka orang dan badan-badannya yang beraneka ragam).

terlepas dari itu smua, saya suka foto-foto di album ini. jujur tanpa polesan yang berarti. cuma mau ngasi liat : "gini lho kelakuan ember waktu para tukang sibuk mengecat...", atau "gini lho letaknya sepotong kayu sampah, waktu para kontraktor lagi berantem..." atau bisa jadi, "ini nih, kelakuan anak KP waktu bosnya lagi sibuk... =D"

hehehee...

dan saya pun tersenyum...

for u, women.

2009-03-01T20:49:00.012+07:00

Photographer : Toni Frissell, 1947

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition(or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. -Isn't this TRUE!!!!!

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.* Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another prepare.
Oprah Winfrey.

Quote of the day.

2009-03-01T17:53:00.001+07:00

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."
C. S. Lewis

a view from home.

2009-03-01T09:59:00.007+07:00

While the sun was shy n decided to take a rest.
Until tomorrow...

The Curious Case Revealed... Hehee*

2009-02-18T23:23:00.003+07:00

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button…
Movie Quotes Review (by me….)

“My name is Benjamin Button, and I was born under unusual circumstances. While everyone else was agin', I was gettin' younger... all alone.”

I’m not really that interested at first, as I read the summary of the film… I thought this would be another sci-fi slash awkward-trying-to be-funny-drama-movie. The title isn’t helping enough.

But scene after scene then delivers the audience to a journey of this man’s life, Benjamin…. which can inspire n teach us a lot of things and made us to started thinking about this whole things…

Banyak hal yang ngajak kita untuk melakukan perenungan yang dalem sebenarnya. Awal film sendiri udah memberikan gambaran kisah hidup bagaimana yang akan dijalani Benjamin nantinya sepanjang idupnya.

“Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life…”

Yes… to this I agree, that none of us met by coincidence. Bahwa setiap orang ada sebagaimana dirinya ada sekarang… Saya kenal A, A kenal B, C kenal D, D menjalin hubungan dengan E yang juga adalah teman saya, adalah sebuah tatanan apik yang sudah tersusun dengan sedemikian rupa di alam semesta. I’m here because a purpose. Either u, created just as u are to fulfilled ur destiny… Dan bahwa tiap jalinan sosial yang kita rajut, dilahirkan di keluarga mana kita, siapa orangtua kita telah demikian adanya ditentukan, sebagai pembentuk diri kita menjadi orang-orang yang lebih baik. Setiap kita telah ditempatkan pada lingkungan yang terbaik sebagai pengasah kita.

Pertanyaan dan pengandaian terkadang muncul… “Why I met him…?”, “What is the purpose of meeting u?”, or “Why I have a mom like u?”
See, nothing is coincidence… If they are not there, u won’t become the person u have to be…. That’s the point.

“ Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss….”
About opportunities... That opportunities are always there. The problem is weather u SEEK for it or not. or weather u SEE it or not. It usually happened like this, that a door closed, a window opened. But we rarely see the opened window, because we used to focused on the closed door.

“Some people, were born to sit by a river. Some get struck by lightning. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people, dance.”

None of us are perfect. Therefore, The Creator gave us each speciality n ability. None of us get the 100% perfect point. But we are here to complete each other.…

“Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. Whether it's by accident or by design, there's not a thing we can do about it.
If only one thing had happened differently: if that shoelace hadn't broken; or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier; or that package had been wrapped and ready, because the girl hadn't broken up with her boyfriend; or that man had set his alarm and got up five minutes earlier; or that taxi driver hadn't stopped for a cup of coffee; or that woman had remembered her coat, and got into an earlier cab, Daisy and her friend would've crossed the street, and the taxi would've driven by. But life being what it is — a series of intersecting lives and incidents, out of anyone's control — that taxi did not go by, and that driver was momentarily distracted, and that taxi hit Daisy, and her leg was crushed.”

That everything in this whole world are meant to be. Everything happened for a reason. Sekali lagi dan sekali lagi… Bahwa benang merah termanis hanyalah akan terlihat ketika kaki Daisy sudah tertabrak. Peristiwa demi peristiwa yang dijabarkan Benjamin boleh saja terjadi dalam tempo waktu 10-20 menit. After 20 minutes, everything change. But often we experience it in a long term… 1, 2 or 5 month…. a year maybe.

Seringkali benang merah peristiwa dalam hidup kita harus bergulir dalam fase yang jauh lebih lama… Bahwa hikmah dari sebuah kejadian lama tertutup oleh kabut gelap terlebih dahulu… Menunggu peristiwa lain, lalu peristiwa lain lagi, kemudian menampakkan dirinya di kecerahan hari. Sering yang ada hanya ketidak sabaran. Ketidak relaan untuk menunggu. Maybe we have to learn that the most beautiful things often comes at the end. Pelangi datang setelah hujan. Langit cerah datang setelah badai usai…
Dibalik awan gelap terdapat langit yang cerah. All we have to do is wait. Nikmati proses penantiannya…

“ For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Tentang perjuangan… Bahwa sebenarnya yang membatasi seorang manusia adalah pikiran manusia itu sendiri. Bahwa yang terbaik dan yang terburuk ditentukan oleh diri kita sendiri. Bahwa apa yang kita lakukan sekarang menentukan akan menjadi apa kita nanti….

Dream on, because there are no limitation for a human to dream. Dream, believe in ur dreams. Put hope on ur dreams. N it’s all yours. Only if u wanna believe.. Just dream on, n God will hold ur dreams.

“You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go..”

Yeah, and at the end.. Just let Him, The Ruler of the Earth complete all. According to His Will. Manusia berencana, Tuhan yang menggenapi. Beberapa boleh berjalan just like what we thought. Tapi kita harus bersiap sedia ketika beberapa poin dari proposal kita harus direject demi kebaikan kita.
Kita harus bersiap ketika jalan yang kita rencanakan dengan matang adalah belok ke kiri lalu lurus, tetapi sayangnya bahu kita diputar, diarahkan ke sisi kanan jalan.

“You never know what's coming for you.”
Just live it like u should….

Cheers…..

An Article A Single Should Read!

2009-01-31T14:14:00.000+07:00

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no
one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are
making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,
they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people
make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on
love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a
profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of
a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship
on love alone'; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for
20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.
What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and
jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a
common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2)you can grow apart.
50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with
this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.
The basis of having good communication is t rus t i.e. t rus t that I won't
get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.
A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with
yourself on this one.
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test? Here are some suggestions.
Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious
about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always
striving to be good and do the right ';.
So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is
this person materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is
character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal
comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give.
By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self's absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following:

*How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to,
such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc..
*How do they treat their parents and siblings?
*Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything; can you do nearly as much for them?
You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually
treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person
after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married.
As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to
change after marriage for the worse'
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you
are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure
to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't
do your homework.

Another perspective...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance..
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least
minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going
anywhere relationships.
Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones don't appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and
caring words or annotations.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you...
the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front
row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye';

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let
lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self esteem make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone
or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mist rus t, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain.

Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a
relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE 9.GIVING
EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT 10. CONCERN
AND CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS.

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment.

Lord U are Faithfull (Part 2)

2008-07-30T21:54:00.006+07:00

(Continued....)

Summer and Winter
Springtime and harvest
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join in all nature in manifold witness
To thy great faithfulness
Mercy and love

Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness
Lord unto me

And I must admit... it really was a though moment... Where evrytime I asked people's opinion, they prefer the far place. None of them supporting me to go to Bandung. Haha... This is the term where I'm getting blind because of my narrow minded decision, and where actually He tried to remind me that maybe it's not a good idea too started new choices, by people around me.

But still, Jessica si kepala batu, ternyata emang bener kepala batu. Aku tetep yakin, bisa jadi kehendak Tuhan bukan itu. Bisa jadi Tuhan mau aku ke bandung! And I'm stick to my own perception of God's Will, until they rejected me 2 times. Yeah, I've been rejected in Bandung 2 times, 2 weeks before the internship term started!! Imagine... gimana gak keruannya perasaanku nungguin jawaban, bolak-balik dipending, sampe-sampe aku hampir batalin yang di Bali, sangkin yakinnya pasti aku keterima di Bandung. Tanpa aku sadar, that it must be a signal from Him.

Bener-bener aku sekarang ngerti, gimana deg-degannya seorang cowo nungguin jawaban pernyataan cintanya ke cewe yang disayanginnya, ato gimana paniknya seorang papa nungguin istrinya ngelahirin di ruang bersalin!! Tiap ari aku mual, kerja ga fokus, emosi turun naik, oikiran mentok ke situ terus..... Gara-gara nungguin jawaban dari perusahaan-perusahaan itu. (Sambil tentunya keep on forcing people to pray for Bandung =p)

But again, Tuhan berkuasa. Hehe... Disaat aku menggunakan akal, tenaga dan pikiranku. Disitu aku tersandung dan ditegur Tuhan. Itu terjadi waktu aku ditolak untuk yang kedua kalinya, dan disaat list perusahaan di agendaku udah habis, mean, udah ga ada kemungkinan lagi. That it is totally zero possibilities for me now to start applying again in Bandung.

Disini, tahap ini baru aku akhirnya surrender. I finally gave up, ngacungin bendera putih tanda menyerah sama Tuhan. Disini Tuhan baru campur tangan. Aku harus urus Bali lagi. Dan aku belum tau jawabannya.
Namun jauh di lubuk hatiku. Pelan-pelan pandangan ku diperluas sama Dia... Ketika aku ditolak Bandung untuk yang terakhir kali, sbenernya aku lega.

Disini aku langsung sadar yang mana kehendak Tuhan sebenernya. Dimana saat ini adalah saatnya Jessica untuk belajar dulu, bukan mikirin hal-hal lain. Hal-hal skunder pasti Tuhan cukupkan nanti. Tapi ini adalah kesempatan yang ga selalu ada, yang akan sangat sayang klo aku ga ambil.

Kedua, dimana aku ngga seharusnya mikir, dan ambil keputusan sembarangan dengan akal dan pikiranku sendiri, karena seperti keyakinan yang akan selalu aku yakini, bahwa 'Tidak ada sehelai pun rambut kita jatuh tanpa seizin Tuhan". Artinya, sekuat apapun kita berusaha, if He says no, then it really means NO. Dimana kita boleh lakukan apapun yang kita mau, apapun yang sanggup kita lakukan, tapi final result tetap Tuhan yang berdaulat.

And the last, He want me to not take it for granted. Yep... Tuhan mau aku untuk ngga nganggep kesempatan yang udah aku dapet di Bali sebagai sesuatu yang "oh-ya-udah-baguslah" atau "oh-emang-seharusnya-aku -diterima".... Tapi Tuhan mau aku bener-bener sadar kalo semua ini bukan karena kekuatan manusia, but purely because of His grace. That I would never get that opportunity to go to far places, if it's not because of His grace.

Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness
Lord unto me

Lagu ini jadi OST ku selama 2 bulan terakhir ini. Jadi saksi pendewasaanku yang sangat menakjubkan oleh Dia. Iya... harusnya aku sadar. Apa yang aku butuhkan. Tuhan pasti sediakan, dan memang Tuhan sediakan...
But sometimes... we're just to worried, where He'll gonna lead us to. We hardly believe in His plan through our life.

Well, maybe, what it take is just a little faith, and everything will be all right....

God, bless me this semester. I surrender all my life, in the palm of Your hand.
And I believe, You are Jehova Jireh, my provider, Who will provide evrything I need.
In Jesus name, Amen.

Lord U are Faithfull

2008-07-30T21:06:00.003+07:00

"Great is Thy faithfulness
Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not
Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been
Thou forever will be..."

Most of the time.. We spend our time trying to figure out what's God plan for our life.
Kenapa ini terjadi? Kenapa begitu? Kenapa tidak seperti ini? Kenapa Tuhan bikin begitu?

Well, FYI. Blog ini adalah pemenuhan janjiku sama Tuhan... I've made a promise. That if He answered my prayer, I'll testify this to the whole world. I won't keep it for myself, for sure. And yes,
He answer it. According to His will, indah pada waktunya =)

Oh... I'm shakin' here... hehe...
So this is the story. Briefly.
I have been in totally confusing situation, where I must choose the location for my internship to complete my uni study. The first place is far away, but "loads" of benefits (kerja di situ bakal buka potensi danpeluang gede buat aku, secara arsitektur dan interior sangat berkembang disana, plus I love love ethnic design so much and I'm interested in it deeply.), but in the other hand, I'll lost my community. I'll be in a place faraway from people I love, which is I had dreamt to be close to them for a long time (I'm in jakarta, they're in bandung).

So, the most confusing part came, where I have to choose. My future, or my present indulgence?

I pray, pray and pray. Even I started to persuated people around me to start praying for me, hoping that God would answer it quick, straight, to the point.

Well, cerita ke-confuse-anku itu bisa dibaca pada blog dibawah...
Hehe... Mungkin saat-saat itu aku mencoba membohongi diriku sendiri, sambil berjuang apply sana-sini buat kerjaan di bandung (yeap, dalam tempo satu bulan aku harus bolak-balik ngirim CV dan porto sana-sini yang berujung pada penolakan), n hoping God would thought the same thing as mine.Aku berharap Tuhan akan mengerti. Dan mengabulkan permintaanku untuk kerja di Bandung, seperti seorang Papa mengabulkan permintaan anaknya untuk beli es krim di siang bolong.

Tanpa sadar dalam hati kecilku sendiri, aku mengingkari obsesi pribadiku. Klo mau jujur, klo pilih yang terjujur dari lubuk hati yang paling dalem.. Well, to be honest. Actually I'll choose Bali. Yea, it was like... a big opportunity for my carreer, as a beginner. Dan aku tahu, sebenernya. Klo aku kerja di Bandung, kemungkinan besar aku akan ngelakuinnya setengah hati. Tapi, bolak-balik, ketika pikiran itu muncul, hatiku berontak. Gila, selama 2 bulan, hatiku sama otak perang salib.

Ini adalah peperangan antara logika dan emosi!!!
My future.... or my senang-senang sesaat.....

(To be continued....)

I know Who Holds Tomorrow

2008-06-30T20:05:00.005+07:00

I don't know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day;
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,

For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future, For I know what Jesus said;
And today I'll walk beside Him, For He knows what lies ahead

Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand

Ev'ry step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb; ev'ry burden's getting lighter,
Ev'ry cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye; At the ending of the rainbow, Where the mountains touch the sky

Ira Stanphill, 1950

Terus terang lirik lagu ini jomplang abis sama yang tengah saya hadapin skarang. Kenapa... saya yang mengidap decidophobia (fear of making decision), dipaksa untuk memilih... which is the path of my future. Both of them are dark... Well, still dark. So I can't be sure which one is the best. Which one should I choose. Yet, the worst is that 80% of the people whom I asked, suggest the one that I hardly wanna do.

Yang mana kehendak Tuhan?
Prosedur sederhana, best well-known : Which one the most suggested you, that's God's will.
But.. Oh no... Oh God... I'm not sure I can do it... Aku ngga yakin aku sanggup, karena banyak yang harus aku tinggalin. Kalo emang prosedur diatas kejadian sama aku saat ini. Tapi bagaimana kalo ternyata prosedurnya beda? Bagaimana kalo kehendakNya justru sama dengan yang aku mau? Bukan seperti saran dari 80% orang-orang itu?

Aku pusing.....
God, just forgive me... Whatever my choice will be... Coz now I can only just hoping for the best...
I'm sorry for being such a stubborn daughter... Yet, don't ever leave me...
Coz I'm still in need of your guidance through my whole life... Amen.

ini baru wanita...

2008-06-19T07:28:00.004+07:00

I always have this kind of respect feeling to my friend's sister. Di saat sebagian besar cewe bangga, to be mentioned "tomboy, kelaki-lakian, cuek, dsb"... She stood up and say to the world, that she's proud to be a girl.

Sebenernya saya rada ngga ngerti juga. Sindrom apa sih yang melanda cewe-cewe jaman sekarang sampai-sampai banyak yang ogah dikatain feminim? Melangkahi kodrat menurut saya. Coba liat kaum laki-laki, mereka akan bersumpah serapah klo sampe ada yang menyebut mereka feminim, kecuali kasus-kasus tertentu.

N this sister, si kakak ini, disuatu event akhirnya ketauan kalo dia hampir gak pernah make t-shirt klo keluar rumah. Bayangin!! Ngga rapih katanya... Salut saya, dan emang bener. Berapa kali saya jalan sama si kakak, ngga pernah sekalipun dia make kaos or something boyish, n prefer to wear girls shirt, or something girly, but it just fit nicely to her...

Menurut saya, harga perempuan ngga akan lebih tinggi dari pria mau setinggi apa jabatannya, sebanyak apa hartanya, senurut apa pasangan sama dia. What makes a woman truly a woman is... Bertindak sesuai kodrat alaminya, yaitu sebagai pendamping pria. Aku rasa itulah perempuan sejati.

Ps : tentang "pendamping" ini maknanya seluas lapangan bola... Ntar kita bahas di tulisan selanjutnya"

....!!!

2008-06-14T14:42:00.001+07:00

"... Because sometimes, what heart know, head forget"
Mr.Miyagi, The Karate Kid

hapilly ever after.

2008-06-14T07:15:00.005+07:00

Mereka berjalan beriringan....
Nampak seorang telah letih...
Letih mengarungi hidup, ketika seorang manusia telah kelebihan pengalaman....
Namun ketika tidak ada lagi rahasia di dalam hidup mereka, pasangannya seolah mengerti, dan mempererat genggamannya...
Tanda kesetiaan.. Tanda pengabdian selama-lamanya.... Genggaman yang mengisi ruang-ruang kosong didalam hati... Menyegarkan jiwa yang letih....

Dan mereka menikmati detik demi detik yang mereka jalani. Yang seorang memegangi tangan pasangannya, sambil sesekali membiarkan ia menjauh sejenak, memberikannya kesempatan melihat dunia luas, seluas yang dapat direngkuhnya...
Namun satu yang pasti, pandangan mata pasangannya tak pernah lepas.... Selalu mengawasi, selalu menjagai, dengan perasaan sayang yang tak lekang berpuluh tahun lamanya...

Jumat sore, saya mampir ke sebuah toko buku didaerah tempat tinggal saya. Suasana cukup rame. Mulai dari anak TK yang merengek minta dibelikan child education toy, yah tipikal mainan edukasi baru yang katanya bisa meningkatkan daya kreativitas anak sambil bermain; seorang anak usia Sekolah Dasar yang sedang bingung memilih komik apa yang akan dibelinya, dengan tangan yang sudah penuh tapi masih tetap saja kurang; seorang remaja perempuan yang asik memelototi majalah mode keluaran Amerika di counter majalah sambil sesekali mengetik ntah apalah di hape-nya; seorang ibu yang sedang membajak secara diam-diam dengan menghapalkan resep-resep masakan dari buku resep (untuk apa dibeli kalau bisa diingat?); seorang Eksekutif muda menekuni kitab-kitab saktinya mengenai dunia bisnis dan perdagangan....

Dan yah, pandangan saya kemudian tertuju (atau ditujukan?) pada seorang oma. Oma itu berpakaian khas seorang oma seperti biasanya. Ia menyandang sebuah tas kanvas, tangan kirinya memegang sebuah shopping bag, sementara tangan yang satunya lagi asik menjelajahi rak-rak buku di bagian novel terjemahan. Si oma tersebut, ya ampun... wajahnya kok teduh sekali yah... Dan hobinya itu... Bayangkan saja, sudah tidak ada lagi rambut hitamnya, berjalanpun sudah agak berjuang, tapi keinginan untuk membuka jendela pikirannya masih luas terpancar... Dengan serius ia menekuni rak satu persatu, sambil sesekali melihat buku yang menarik hatinya. I wonder, ketika seseorang telah berumur sedemikian lanjutnya, ketika dunia dan lingkungan yang ditinggalinya sekarang sudah jauh berbeda dengan dunia yang dikenalnya dahulu, masihkah ada sebuah kerinduan untuk mengetahui apa yang terjadi di luar sana? Ketika sudah waktunya anda dan saya duduk santai dirumah, tidak sanggup lagi mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah, setiap hari menanti anak-cucu datang berkunjung, apakah masih tersisa ruang rasa ingin-tahu, apakah imajinasi itu masih ada? Apakah rasa sentimentil masih terpelihara?

Oh, iya... Ketika saya melihat diri Oma tersebut... ternyata masih ada. Dan ketekunannya dalam mengisi hidupnya menjadi bukti nyata. Oma tersebut berjalan perlahan-lahan, sambil dengan giat menoleh ke kanan dan ke kiri, masih mengobservasi.

Belum habis rasa kagum saya, ketika entah kenapa perhatian saya tidak lagi tertuju pada objek tujuan utama saya; atas dasar itu saya datang ke toko buku tersebut, saya sedang mempertimbangkan untuk membeli salah satu dari tetralogi Laskar Pelangi karya Andrea Hirata ; seorang Opa, yang sudah sepantaran Oma tersebut, datang mendekat, sambil bergegas mengambil-alih shopping bag yang sedari tadi berada di tangan kiri Oma. "Sudah ?" tanyanya. Si Oma, masih pandangannya ke rak buku-buku, persis seperti seorang anak yang berada di toko mainan, menjawab "Mmmm.... belum," Si Opa tersenyum, lalu menggandeng tangan Oma, dengan setia mendampingi. Oh,... sekarang saya total, gagal konsentrasi. dan sepertinya saya harus kembali lagi ke toko buku ini besok, karena saya ngga bisa berpikir lagi! hahaha...

Iya... pikiran Jessica lalu melayang...
Pertama akan kesetiaan dan janji sehidup semati yang bukan bohongan, yang sedang dihidupi oleh pasangan tua yang berbahagia ini (mereka nggak ubahnya seperti pengantin baru), tentang sebuah pengabdian yang melewati pahit-getir pengalaman hidup, yang membawa mereka pada sebuah pemahaman yang utuh tentang sebuah cinta yang sesungguhnya. Terlintas kemudian ajaran tentang kasih... kasih itu suci, kasih itu murah hati, kasih tidak megahkan diri, kasih tidak mencari keuntungan diri sendiri.... Iya, kasih yang sejati, yang muncul justru ketika kita merasa bahwa tidak ada lagi jalan keluar, ketika semuanya seperti berakhir, ketika berpisah jauh lebih baik daripada bersama...
Tetap, mukjizat datang... dan kasih yang sejati menutupi.

Dan ajaran yang kedua adalah yang datang dari rasa kagum saya akan jiwa yang senantiasa fresh, jiwa yang segar yang tersembunyi dalam atribut seorang lansia berumur 70-an tahun. Saya akan menjadikan Oma tersebut sebagai salah seorang role model saya. Hehe... Saya ingin, kelak ketika anak-cucu saya datang kepada saya, di masa tua saya, saya bukanlah Jessica yang tidak tahu, tapi Jessica yang memberi tahu. Saya ingin dikenang sebagai seorang ibu dan oma yang open-minded, peduli dengan keadaan sekitar saya, meluangkan waktu saya untuk hal-hal yang nilai investasinya tinggi seperti membaca buku, kemudian membagikan pengalaman tersebut kepada keturunan saya, dengan harapan mereka juga tumbuh menjadi orang-orang yang memiliki nilai-nilai idealisme dan integritas, 2 hal yang telah menjadi barang langka dan telah membeku menjadi fosil ditengah terpaan zaman modern ini.

Oma menjauh lagi.... Berjalan kearah rak buku rohani... Si Opa yang sudah capek, mengalah, melepaskan genggamannya. Namun satu yang pasti, tatapannya lekat mengawasi pendamping tercintanya... Saya pun berpaling, berusaha untuk tidak melamun sambil menabrak orang, berjuang mengembalikan konsentrasi saya, melupakan sejenak pengalaman hebat ini, kemudian terus berjalan...

And they live happily ever after....

Guru dalam Tinta Emas (Part 1)

2008-05-29T21:02:00.004+07:00

"Saya pernah denger di talkshow sebuah radio Jakarta, di daerah Cengkareng, ada seorang kepala sekolah
(yes, he is a headmaster of the school) yang harus merangkap kerja jadi pemulung karena harus biayain istrinya
yang sakit kanker, he doesn't have any choice, remembering that he must take care of his wife without distracting
his teaching time.

Sangat menyedihkan, dan ini bukan hanya satu karena masih banyak cerita-cerita miris tentang pengajar, yang sudah
bersedia merelakan hidup mereka demi masa depan calon pemimpin bangsa kita."

That's my recent comment for Adhitya Mulia's post. His topic is about anak asuh n guru asuh. Blog yang sangat menyentuh.
Disitu diceritain tentang anak-anak yang ngga bisa sekolah karena gak mampu bayar SPP, dan om Adithya Mulya mengajak kita
semua untuk rame-rame menyisihkan sedikit dana dan memberikan sebagian hati kita untuk membantu mereka yang membutuhkan.

Tapi ada satu hal lagi yang lebih menyentuh saya. Anak asuh, sudah banyak yang ambil bagian menjadi orang tua asuh bagi
mereka.
Tapi kalau guru asuh? Itu baru cerita lain. Yes, he wrote about it too. Dan membaca hal ini, saya jadi teringat sama sebuah buku yang tersusun dengan rapi bersama deretan buku-buku lain di rak buku saya. Judulnya GURU DALAM TINTA EMAS - "Kisah Guru Istimewa".
Udah cukup lama mendekam di rak buku tanpa perhatian dari saya. 3 tahun mungkin. Yah, bahan bacaan bertambah, satu demi satu, menggeser perhatian saya, sehingga si "Tinta Emas' hanya menjadi penghias rak buku diantara karya literatur lain yang lebih eye-catching.

Buku tersebut berisi kumpulan artikel-artikel dari koran Kompas mulai tahun 1997-2004. And the amazing thing, semuanya cerita tentang guru-guru yang "luar biasa". Baca buku itu, gak mungkin air mata kamu gak menetes. Bagaimana tidak, bahwa di negara kita ini, yang mulai diserbu dengan sekolah-sekolah franchise dari luar negeri yang mulai menjamur, dengan sekolah-sekolah lokal bertaraf internasional, berprogram internasional, ternyata masih tak terhitung jumlahnya sekolah-sekolah yang sangat prihatin, terutama di daerah terbelakang, yang jauh dari ibukota provinsinya. Dan guru-guru di sekolah tersebut, memiliki ceritanya masing-masing yang sangat memilukan hati...

(Sambungan blog ini bisa dibaca di posting selanjutnya)

DI 5 - Public Space

2008-05-29T18:02:00.007+07:00

So this is my last Studio Project, Interior Design 5 - Public Space. The style was colonial, full with Dutch neoclassic influence with rich influence with art deco (which was the style of the building and Indonesian heritage.

Bangunannya adalah sebuah hotel bernuansa Kolonial di Bandung. And I must say, ini project terdalam dari hati, n my most favourite one rather than the other 4 studios before. Karena di sini aku bener-bener bisa main-main suka-sukanya aku, mulai dari milih judul proyek, lokasi, ruangan yang mau dibikin ampe konsepnya. Bener-bener proyek idealis lah. Mengerjakan dengan hati, begitulah kira-kira. Gak nyangka juga sebenernya, bikin tampak potongan yang sebelumnya adalah one of my nightmare, become my favourite one. Main-main detail-detail, bentuk furniture kolonial khas Jawa, belum lagi ukiran kaca patri yang sangat vintage. I enjoying it more than I thought before!

This is really the peak. Yea... bikin maket sendiri makan waktu 4 hari. Kalo gak karna suka, udah gila kali aku mo bikin sampe segitunya, diwarnain satu-satu, belum lagi ukurannya yang amit-amit kecilnya (skala 1 : 50 ya bo...). But overall sih aku bisa bilang puas dengan kerjaan aku... Mulai dari konsep awal sampe final executionnya, because I really give my heart, time and energy there....

Dan, akhirnya ini DI terakhir... Gak terasa, mulai dari DI 1, DI 2, trus sampe DI 5. Thanks God that I could made it without failed. ..

Ini beberapa foto maketnya... Pamer? Hehe... Kenapa ngga... kerjaan 4 hari gitu... Yah, minimal ada yang liat hasil desain aku d skalian promosi diri pribadi..
Ada yang berminat memake-over rumah kolonialnya?
Hubungi saya....
hehe =)

CheckList.

2008-05-29T17:07:00.004+07:00

Tomorrow I'll step my feet in Medan... Yay!!!
Sebenernya rencana yang cukup mendadak mengingat tadinya I'm planning to go to Bandung for refreshment after final test, but... Hmmmm... Maybe my hometown's calling me n my heart just heard it and response to it spontaneously, so just 5 days ago I call my dad telling that I wanna go home.

It's not so me, because I usually planned something about 1-2 weeks before. But, I guess it's not a bad idea, reminding that they are missing me!!!
Hahaaa.... So, okay, I'm going to Medan tomorrow, at 01.30 pm.

Must to do in Medan :
1. Visiting Istana Maimun.
For the sake of my 18 years life in Medan I must admit it that I never visited this one-of-the-treasure of
Medan!!! Oh... Where was I? Trapped in the middle of what I called as the Medan-youth-indulgence???
How pathetic.

2. Come n enjoy... Perpustakaan Universitas Sumatera Utara (USU)
Again, I dedicated my 1 week holiday diggin' for my thesis... I've been scanning all around in my uni
library, but the result was zero. I didn't get it actually. Is the topic not to demanding, or they find it difficult
to buy the books?
Well, there are a lot of books about Bali, even Nusa Tenggara up there but not the Bataks.
So, I'm hoping that I'll found some precious info there at the USU Library.

3. Makan duren
Sudah jelas... My guilty pleasure!!!
Hahaaaa, for weeks I've been craving with the "duren monthong" in Jakarta.... But I still thought that
spending 40 thousands something for enjoying that colestherol source just by myself is utterly "kurang
kerjaan" so.....
This is the time for revenge!!!
=D

4. 24 hours in Sei.Bingarun no.1
Ok, watch Gossip Girl with Cindy (duh...), golek-golek berjam-jam di kamar, nonton tipi ampe muntah,
nyoba-nyobain baju Cindy... Hehe...

Ya sudah lah, ya... I mean, I only did this like twice in a year.... And I must admit that I like it... Just doin
nothin in my parents home... Quite a nice escape for me =)

5. Jajal Jl. S.Parman
Bubur ayam, kuetiaw, nasi goreng....
Nyaammmmyyyyyyyyy

6. Bernostalgia...
Yeah, what else...
Chillin' with my besties lah....
Hehe... =)

:'"""><*&^%#$&(&

2008-05-21T19:54:00.002+07:00

My wish for today :
Post my recently assignment : "Hotel Savoy Homann"
But sadly, I don't have enough time....
Mengingat deadline yang semakin dekat....
Aw nawwwww...

But I'll post it, sooner or later...

PS : I dream of a so-called very very nice holiday with my family n hubby... Hikz...

Semangat Jessica!!!!
Ur last semester n ur gonna gonna survive!!!

I.N.T.J

2008-05-07T02:26:00.005+07:00

Introverted.Intuition.Thinking.Judging

Okay, so this is my personality according to a personality test
web http://mypersonality.info/.

"The Strategist"

"INTJs are introspective, analytical, determined persons with natural leadership ability. Being reserved, they prefer to stay in the background while leading. Strategic, knowledgable and adaptable, INTJs are talented in bringing ideas from conception to reality. They expect perfection from themselves as well as others and are comfortable with the leadership of another so long as they are competent. INTJs can also be described as decisive, open-minded, self-confident, attentive, theoretical and pragmatic."

"INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency. "

- Portrait of an INTJ (The Personality Page)

This is a personality test based on Myer-Briggs Personality Types.
I found out that 90% of the analysis are true.

Cerita Opung Gigi Tiga

2008-05-06T20:01:00.009+07:00

A couple weeks ago, Opung Gigi Tiga (Opungku Silaban), diopname di Siloam Hospital Lippo Karawaci. Asam uratnya tinggi, tangan opung bengkak. Ini udah aku prediksi dari beberapa hari sebelumnya. Ngeliat jadwal jalan-jalan opung di Jakarta yang udah kelewat berat untuk seorang Bapak berumur 78 tahun. Bahkan di hari opung sakit itu, sebenernya jadwal Opung n para namboru untuk pergi ke Puncak! Ada-ada aja emang..

Tapi, walopun begitu.. Sebenernya ga bisa disalahin juga. Darah voyager mengalir di darah kami.. Mulai dari
Namboru Ara, sampe namboru adek, plus anak-anak mereka, hampir semua doyan jalan. Ga ada kata capek dikamus kami. Kalo jalan ke luar negri, udah kayak bagpacker aja, naik bis, kereta api, apa aja dicoba.. Still, gak lupa membawa anak-anak yang masih balita, with no men with us!! Semuanya turun dari opung, yang sampe umur sekian masih rajin bolak-balik Sidikalang, sampe bikin anak-anak opung spheechless, cuman bisa ngurut dada, saking gak tau lagi harus berkomen apa. Tapi itulah opung. Gak pernah bisa diam di satu tempat tanpa ngelakuin apa-apa.

And the moment when Opung was sick, who knows, gonna be one of the sweetest moment we spend together.
Jadi, hari Minggu, mulai dari jam 7 pagi, aku n Kandi dapat shift jagain Opung sampe jam 3 sore, karena semuanya pergi. Para namboru gereja, uda Edi udah nginep kemaren malemnya, jadi harus pulang,he definitely need a rest. Tinggallah kami berdua sama opung. Beberapa jam pertama, aku sama Kandi ngobrol terus, agak nyuekin Opung yang kami kira lagi tidur. Sampe jam 3, ternyata oh ternyata... kekasih hati sepupuku tersayang datang berkunjung. Yang berarti, Kandi mau pacaran... Yah, aku ditinggal berdua deh sama opung, sementara dia turun ke lobby karena pacarnya ngga mau naik ke atas (serem atuh, kalo sampe ketemu Opung, berarti tinggal nentuin tanggal..).

15 menit pertama kami diem-dieman, aku nyuapin Opung makan puding. Aku kira Opung masih lemes, jadi aku nahan diri untuk gak ngajak Opung cerita-cerita. Eh ternyata beberapa waktu berselang, Opung mulai buka percakapan.
"Jadi kenapalah kau kuliah Interior itu? Suka rupanya kau? Kok bisa pulak?"
Lalu aku jawab, "Iya pung, dari kecil gak tau kenapa Jess suka liat-liat majalah interior, suka liat-liat bangunan,
jadi pas kuliah Jess milih masuk Interior."
"Bah, i do hape? Jadi bagaimana menurutmu selama ini? Sanggup kau?"
"Sampe sekarang bisa-bisa aja kok Pung. Memang capek kali rasanya ngerjain tugas terus, tapi begitu siap, puas kali rasanya pung."
"Bah.. baguslah itu.. Tapi kurasa perlu kau datang ke Bogor, ke tempat Opung F.Silaban itu"
"Yang bikin Mesjid Istiqlal itu ya pung? Tapi kan udah gak ada Opung itu. Ngapainlah Jes kesana?"
"Iya pulak ya. Maksudku, manatau ada informasi kau dapat disana. Kan bagus itu. Mana tau bisa nanti untuk kerjaanmu. Pernah Opung itu datang kerumah Medan. Trus kata Opung itu, cantik kali rumahmu ito. Ada juga Silaban sama denganku.."
Opung ketawa. Aku jadi geli. Ada-ada aja si Opung ini, masih sempet-sempetnya pamer masa lalu.
"Iya, pung. Tapi rencana Jess sebenarnya kalo bisa ngga kerja di Jakarta, kalo bisa mau coba unicef. Jess pengen ngurus bidang kebudayaan pung."
"Bah, baguslah kalo gitunya. Biar kau bangun dulu kampung kita itu."
"Iya, pung itulah nanti kalo ada jalannya, yang Jessica pengen kerjakan."

Blah,blah.. Opung mulai cerita tentang masa kecilnya. Tentang bagaimana dia adalah satu dari hanya segelintir anak-anak di kampung Sidikalangnya yang mau bersekolah. Begitu niatnya sampai Opung ke Medan sendiri, untuk sekolah. Saat itu Opung ngaku sama Ibunya kalo Opung merantau ke Medan untuk kerja. Padahal Opung sekolah, dengan biaya sendiri yang didapat dari hasil menarik becak.. God.. No wonder darimana aku dapet sifat pantang menyerah dan idealisme ini. Warisan dari Opungku ternyata..

"Biar tau kau, dulu Opungmu Sianipar, kawanku itu waktu masi kecil."
"Opung doli pung? Ah, masak? Kok bisa?"
I was really surprised, when I found out that really exciting story, that my mommie's dad was my pappie's dad childhood friend!! Opung pun bercerita lebih panjang lagi, tentang bagaimana Bapaknya Opung Doli Sianipar yang seorang pejabat besar di Sidikalang waktu itu, sering pergi piknik dengan Ibu dan Bapaknya Opung... Dan Opung Silaban sama Opung Sianipar main-main bersama.
"Main bola keranjang kami dulu."
"Bola keranjang pung? Bola basket kali pung..."
"Haaa... sama lah itu.."

Dan Opung pun tersenyum sambil sesekali menahan tawa karena badannya yang masih lemah. Terus melanjutkan cerita kami.
Wow... Aku gak pernah menyangka.. How amazing God is.. Ketika dua keturunan dipertemukan generasi demi generasi, bertemu lagi tanpa sengaja di tempat perantauan, sampai akhirnya mengikat tali persaudaraan dalam sebuah pernikahan... dan lahirlah aku...
Itu cerita yang bener2 bikin aku terharu...
Ah, He surely know how to make people again and again give thanks for His kindness and amazing grace...

Dan satu hal, yang aku tangkap dari percakapan kami sore itu. That he, my grandfather, I notice it from how he looked at me, he put his faith in me. Keyakinan bahwa suatu hari nanti aku akan menjadi orang yang berhasil, persis seperti keyakinan yang ditanamkan papi dalam diriku.
Dan bebanku pun semakin berat... Tanggung jawabku semakin banyak...

Cepet sembuh ya Opung Gigi Tiga..
Keep pray for me, and for all your grandchildren. God always be with you...

The Greatest Escape, Journey to a heritage.

2008-05-06T14:01:00.013+07:00

Cindy n Tika, 1 morning in Ambarita, catching fish in Lake Toba.
Dec 2007.

Masih inget rasanya pertama kali jatuh cinta?
Jantung serasa mo copot... Grogi tiap kali ketemu dia...
Tapi bukan bagian itu yang mau aku bahas.. Bagian yang mau aku sampein adalah adegan dimana waktu kita siang malam keinget dia trus.. Spontan dikepala langsung keputer soundtracknya saya dan dia.. Trus mulai bengong2 sendiri d...
Rasanya apa?
Indah, bahagia, serasa semua masalah terlupa...

Skarang kita beralih ke pengalaman spiritual... Masi inget rasanya pertama kali menemukan Tuhan Pencipta kita? Waktu pertama kali berkomunikasi dengan segenap perasaan dan jiwa, tanpa terkungkung aturan2, tanpa paksaan dari orangtua, tapi dengan pure heart karena satu alasan, saya sayang Tuhan? Ketika kita mengambil keputusan untuk sepenuhnya percaya padaNya tanpa keraguan setitik pun.
Rasanya bukan main, ga ada yang ngalahin, segala perasaan damai, tenang, suka cita, bercampur aduk jadi satu...
Dan kita pun lahir menjadi pribadi yang baru..
And it also called a "First Love"... A purest case of "First Love".

Nah, skarang kita beralih ke hal lain lagi. Bagaimana dengan cinta kampung halaman?
Ada yang pernah ngerasain? Tunjuk tangan.... Kalo yang ini.. Jujur saya bingung mau mulai dari mana. Tapi intermezzonya begini deh kira-kira. "Be greatful for knowing where u come from. Be thankful for who you are. For God has arrange His amazing plan for your people by YOURSELF."
Yap.. Berbahagialah orang2 yang udah pernah menginjakkan kaki di kampung halamannya, tempat dimana kakekmu menghabiskan masa kecilnya, main bola dengan teman-temannya, tempat dimana buyutmu berjuang mencari nafkah demi masa depan anak-anaknya, karena dari tempat itulah sejarah dirimu bermula.

Semester ini, pikiranku dibuka seluas2nya sama Tuhan. Mulai dari rencana tugas akhir, yang aku ambil topik tentang kebudayaan Batak Toba. Awalnya tujuanku cuma satu. Sebagai proyek idealis terakhir (bersyukur aku kuliah interior, aku dikasih nilai untuk bikin apa yang aku mau, bukan apa yang orang mau! Namanya juga masi kuliah), sebagai tanda bahwa aku gak pernah dan gak akan lupa darimana aku berasal. Sebagai tonggak, bahwa sejauh apa aku pergi nanti, lintas samudera kah atau lintas benua, aku harus kembali lagi ketempat dimana akarku tertanam.

Dan penelitian demi penelitian pun dmulai. Berhubung aku belum punya waktu untuk balik ke Medan n ke Samosir, aku search by web dulu... N sempet dapet jg buku di perpustakaan walopun dapetinnya dengan perjuangan. Karena dari sekian ribu buku yang disusun rapi di rak2 gede perpus kampus nan hitech n modern itu, cuman ada 1 buku tentang kebudayaan Batak!
Ya, begitulah kira-kira..
Bulan demi bulan, berhubung kuliah kolokium nuntut aku harus nyusun bab 1 n kalo bisa juga bab 2 n bab 3 selesai, aku harus gali bahan sebanyak-banyaknya. N disinilah cerita ini dimulai. Kalo aku boleh bilang, prosesnya seperti pertama kali suka sama orang. Kenalan, mulai jalan, saling mengenal kebiasaan masing-masing, jealousankah dia? Ato malas, kerjanya tidur mulu?
Ato ternyata dia adalah the most wonderful guy u ever know? Dari saling mengenal, rasa suka bergeser lebih sedikit jadi rasa sayang.

Pelan-pelan rasa sayang aku mulai tumbuh. Rasa syukur aku terlahir jadi orang Batak, betapa bangganya aku dengan segala budaya, Dalihan Natolu, filosofi hidup Batak, tentang nenek moyangku yang melembutkan hatinya dan nerima Tuhan Yesus jadi Juru selamat mereka. Dan melihat Danau Toba, walaupun hanya dari blog-blog orang, untuk yang entah keberapa kalinya, hatiku mau meledak rasanya!

Damn... Like, I have been to Bali, the land of God, I have been to Europe, the absolutely prettiest continent of the earth.. But, just when I remember how I feel when I stepped my feet at the Samosir Island, NOTHING compare the feeling. Perasaan dimana rasanya, God, this is where I supposedly belong.. My ancestors land.. Dan di tano Batak itu, aku masih ingat anginnya yang bertiup lembut, bukit2 yang menghampar, inang-inang lagi gendong anaknya, hamparan sawah, yang di depannya berdiri gereja dari kayu, lalu rumah-rumah Batak itu,dengan atap tingginya yang masih berdiri dengan tegaknya. Terbayang para leluhur dengan kain ulos kebanggaan mereka berdiri dengan gagahnya, menjagai tanah Batak dan Danau Tobanya dengan setia sampai akhir. This is my greatest escape.. Dan melihat tanah Samosir juga, walaupun hanya dari sambungan internet ribuan kilometer jauhnya, aku teringat my beloved Opung Doli Sianipar yang udah
duluan dipanggil Tuhan... My gosh..
I miss him.. Air mataku menetes..

I'm so sorry. But I can't really describe my feeling... Sebuah perasaan yang sangat abstrak.. Aku tau, disaat aku menginjakkan kakiku ke pulau orang batak itu, air mataku gak akan bisa aku tahan.. Karena pada saat itu aku, dengan segala ideologi modernku dengan segala pandangan hidup liberalku,dengan segala ambisi manusiaku.. Seperti langkahku distop, kedua bahuku
di pegang dari depan, lalu dibalikkan, untuk melihat kembali, loncat ke beratus-ratus tahun yang lalu, jauh ketika opungku pun belum ada, ketika nenek moyang yang jauh di belakang kami, berdoa, memanjatkan permohonannya pada Tuhan, untuk menjagai keturunannya. Ketika nenek moyangku memanjatkan doa ucapan syukur, dan memohon agar Tuhan memberkati keturunannya, sampai entah berapa generasi selanjutnya. Ketika nenek moyangku memohon agar Tuhan menjadikan keturunannya orang-orang besar.

Dan, saat itu. Aku tau. I've to do something. Bahwa ketika Tuhan menciptakan Jessica jadi orang Batak, bukan hanya rasa bangga semata yang Tuhan ingin Jessica miliki. tapi sebuah visi, yang semakin lama semakin jelas tergambar di pikiranku, bahwa aku harus buat sesuatu untuk Tano Batak. Bahwa dengan kondisinya dewasa ini, dimana kemiskinan menjadi pemandangan biasa, kekurangan dimana-mana, pendidikan yang kacau-balau, dan kebudayaan yang diabaikan dengan kejamnya oleh para Batak people yang mengaku dirinya modern, akan menjadi momen yang sangat indah kalau aku diberikan kesempatan untuk ikut serta memperbaiki apa yang sedang terjadi di sana, sekecil apapun peranku. Semuanya sebagai wujud syukurku kepada Tuhan, atas kampung yang luar biasa indahnya, dan syukur atas takdirku dilahirkan sebagai orang Batak.

Aku belum tau itu apa. Aku belum tau kapan waktu yang tepat. Tapi yang aku tau, perasaan nyesal ketika aku mengabaikan suara itu, tak akan ada yang menandingi.
Sekarang adalah waktunya aku berbenah diri, prepare myself, inside-out, and ask God if this is really His call.
And, when the time is coming, I'll go.
Ada yang mau ikut?

(ps. I wrote this post while listening to Viki Sianipar's Toba Dream 3, really a perfect OST album for my Tano Batak imaginations... and my head full of Tao Toba's magnificent view, the blue sky, the Pusuk Buhit stood still, n all I wanna do just rush there n stay as long as I can, 'till He ask me to leave...)

"Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit." Jawaharlal Nehru

Very Inspiring Article

2008-04-28T19:58:00.007+07:00

Jika Anda Batak, Katakan Pada Anak Anda Dia Batak

“Children should be encouraged to take pride in their ethnic heritage, thereby boosting self-esteem.” (DeHart, Sroufe, & Cooper, Child development: Its nature and course. Boston: McGraw Hill, 2000). “Anak-anak harus didorong untuk bangga pada asal-usul etnis mereka sehingga mendongkrak rasa bangga dan penghargaan terhadap diri mereka sendiri”

Weekend lalu saya diperkenalkan si Bungsu adik saya pada teman barunya. Si Bungsu ini “anak gaul” sehingga kerap membawa teman baru ke rumah. Biasanya si Bungsu akan memperkenalkan nama temannya dan saya akan melanjutkannya dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan standard seperti “tinggal dimana”, “sekolah dimana”, “kenal si bungsu dimana?”, “ayah ibu kerja dimana” dll. Kadang pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu saya akhiri dengan pertanyaan dari mana dia berasal. Teman baru si Bungsu yang usianya tidak lebih dari 20-21 tahun ini misalnya, karena wajahnya yang Ganteng, bulu matanya luar biasa bagus, kulit bersih dan tubuh atletis, saya jadi ingin tahu dari mana dia berasal.

“Kamu orang apa sih, Dek?”, tanya saya ingin tahu.

“Orang Jakarta, Kak”, katanya.

“Kita semua orang Jakarta karena kita tinggal atau lahir di Jakarta. Maksud Kakak, kamu berasal dari suku apa”, lanjut saya.

“ohhhh”, katanya seolah baru sadar salah menjawab. Saya yakin dia sebenarnya mengerti maksud saya. “Orang Sumatra, Kak”, jawab si ganteng. Saya mulai agak hilang kesabaran.

“Dek, kamu tidak belajar pengantar Antropologi waktu semester satu yah? Kan Sumatra itu bukan suku bangsa, jadi enggak ada istilah saya orang Sumatra. Kok susah amat kau menjawab pertanyaan Kakak? Kamu nih ganteng dan oon yah”, lanjut saya. Si Ganteng tertawa.

“Orang Medan deh, Kak”, ralatnya, gelisah. Mukanya agak bingung atau pura-pura bingung.

Si Bungsu yang tahu betul maksud saya langsung menimpali dengan wajah tidak sabar: “Lu ngomong sama Kakak gue yang bener, bilang aja lo orang Batak gitu, susah amat sih guoblog lo…. Dia ini Siregar, Kak, gak ngaku Batak! Ibunya Batak, juga, Simanjuntak.” “Waktu ketemu pertama kali juga ‘gitu’ Kak, bertele-tele waktu ditanya orang apa”, lanjut si Bungsu. “Mandi masih pake air asin, tinggal di gang sempit aja udah gak ngaku orang Batak lu..!”, lanjut si Bungsu berseloroh. Mereka terbahak. Semoga si Ganteng belajar sedikit hari itu mengenai siapa dia.

Saya bangga pada si Bungsu karena diusianya yang muda ia tidak pernah ragu mengatakan “Saya orang Batak”. Si Bungsu adalah tipikal remaja metropolitan “produk MTV” yang selalu kami khawatirkan agak menganut faham hedonis dan sangat ter-westernisasi. Sejak usia 5 tahun dia sudah ‘ngerti’ apa itu “luar negri”.

Saya juga bangga pada ayah saya yang sebagian hidupnya dihabiskan di Semarang, dan sampai akhir hidupnya selalu membaca karya-karya sastra cukup tinggi dari Rendra, Sapardi Joko Damono, hingga Ernest Hemingway itu, tetapi ia tetap mengajarkan anak-anaknya untuk bangga pada asal-usul kami. “Never be ashamed to tell people who you are. You are orang Batak”, demikian ayah saya yang berbahasa Inggris, Belanda dan Jawa itu selalu mengatakan.

Pengajaran ayah saya itu menanamkan concious saya untuk tidak pernah ragu mengatakan “saya orang Batak” ketika asal-usul saya ditanyakan dimanapun saya berada, di Danau Toba yang keras, di Yogja yang lunak maupun di Paris, London atau New York yang sophisticated, ketika saya bertemu dengan orang Indonesia disana. Bahkan ketika saya sudah menyebut diri saya sebagai “a global citizen”. “Saya Orang Batak”. Clear! Tanpa embel-embel “tapi saya lama tinggal di Singapore”, atau “tapi saya sudah tidak bisa bahasa Batak”, atau “ tetapi saya lahir di Jakarta” atau “tapi saya orang Mandailing”. Kata “tetapi” itu adalah satu dari seribu excuses yang dipakai oleh banyak orang Batak untuk mengatakan bahwa ia berbeda dari stereotypetetapi saya sudah berbudaya, sudah tidak ‘barbaric’. Saya sudah tidak makan orang lagi!”. orang Batak yang terbentuk di masyarakat. Kira-kira artinya adalah “

Menjadi orang Batak berarti terperangkap dalam konotasi negatif stereotype yang terbentuk lewat penggambaran karakter yang kasar, keras, tempered, agresif, tukang-berantem, nyali preman, gaya bicara teriak-teriak, volume suara keras, belum lagi stereotype fisik rahang bersegi, mata tajam, tubuh lebih sering tebal dan profesi yang dihubungkan dengan pencopet, supir metromini ugal-ugalan, preman, petinju kasar, pecatur suntuk, inang-inang pedagang Pasar Inpres Senen, atau penyelundup Tanjung Periuk.

Konotasi negatif inilah yang sering kali membuat banyak keluarga Batak tanpa sengaja tidak menanamkan “rasa bangga” akan asal-usul mereka pada anak-anak mereka seperti si Ganteng teman adik saya tadi, yang jelas sekali sangat berat mengatakan “saya orang Batak”, dan berkilah mengatakan dirinya “Orang Jakarta”, “orang Sumatra” dan “orang Medan”. Konotasi negatif itu juga sering membuat Orang Batak bangga jika dikatakan “tidak kelihatan Batak”, “tidak kentara Bataknya”, apa lagi kalau sudah agak “kaya” sedikit atau kenal luar negeri, sudah tidak mau terafiliasi dengan apapun yang berbau Batak. Kalau bisa jangan ‘ngaku’ orang batak. Seorang artis berdarah batak malah mendapatkan nama ”Cut “ dari ayahnya untuk menggelapkan asal-usulnya. Menyedihkan!

Konotasi negatif di atas tidak akan pernah hilang jika setiap keluarga Batak memilih untuk menanggalkan identitas anak-anak mereka, menghilangkan marga mereka dari nama-nama mereka, “menggelapkan” asal-usul mereka dengan istilah “orang Medan”, “orang Sumatra” atau “orang Jakarta” (dia pikir cuma dia yang lahir di Jakarta), serta tidak memberikan pengajaran betapa pentingnya mengenal akar dan asal-usul budaya sendiri sebelum mampu mengenal dan mencintai budaya-budaya lain, bahkan sebelum mampu menikmati Beethoven Symphony No 9. Jadi jangan bilang anda penikmat budaya jika asal-usul suku bangsa andapun tidak anda akui.

Menanamkan kebanggaan atas asal-usul pada anak-anak kita itu bukan untuk tujuan pengkultusan superioritas kesukuan atau ethnocentrism, akan tetapi penghargaan terhadap budaya, etnik, identitas dan asal-usul itu. Kebanggaan dan penghargaan itu akan memberikan “sense of belonging” atas kelanjutan sebuah nilai budaya yang menjadi pondasi untuk membangun diri sendiri. Kelak tentunya membangun lingkungan dimana dia berada.

Red Wolf seorang pejuang dan budayawan Indian, Native American dalam beberapa bukunya mengatakan: “The Native Indian passed their culture and tradition down from generation to generation from memory, not from a notepad or book. Therefore, if your Mother, Grandmother, Father or Grandfather told you or your family that you are of Indian blood, you are Indian”. Saya terpesona dengan tulisannya itu. Katanya: “ Orang Indian mewariskan budaya dan tradisi mereka dari generasi ke generasi lewat ingatan, bukan lewat catatan dan buku, jadi jika ibu, nenek, ayah atau kakekmu mengatakan bahwa engkau berdarah Indian, maka engkau adalah Indian”.

Saya implementasikan dengan bebas kalimat di atas ke dalam tulisan saya ini sebagai: “Jika engkau orang Batak, katakan pada anak-anakmu bahwa mereka adalah orang Batak”.

Honourly taken from : Tika Sinaga
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-0kb4Q7Qlcq36EgLyeJr0.fJR?p=12

"Lg browsing2, saya ktemu artikel ini. Dan saya langsung ngefans berat sama penulisnya. And I'm speechless... Bravo!!!"

Song of the Year

2008-04-18T07:58:00.007+07:00

Emmy Rossum "Slow me Down"






















Rushing and racing
and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world
I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear
In the blur of fast forward I faulter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

Cantik.

2008-04-17T20:30:00.007+07:00

Saya lagi blokwalking designer's blog, seperti biasa untuk liat-liat apa yang baru. Trus tiba-tiba saya nemu image ruangan bertema Morokko ini. Lucu bgt!!! It's absolutely "me".....
I like the way they arrange the Morrocan elements then creating a very stunning yet exotic combination..
Fyi, the lamps and the room aren't from the same source. I took the room from a designer's blog called http://blogs.nypost.com/, meanwhile the lamps are from a n Indonesian decorator's website who lives in United States. But I still thought it suits the interior's theme.

Ok... Imajinasi mulai bermain... Sore menjelang senja ditepi pantai.. Ditemenin alunan musik Jazz (wah, agak ga nyambung dengan tema ruangan sih, but it still nice anyway =P), segelas fruitpunch, sebuah novel, ready set gooo.... a journey to a fairytale....

Whatta dream...

2008-04-16T18:19:00.001+07:00

Last night I had a strange dream..
Klo dijadiin film, mungkin mimpi ini masuk kategori film bergenre suspense.. thriller gt...lil bit horror. Jd saya sama seorang tmen sma (sex:male) lagi ada di sebuah hotel tua di out of nowhere I can't describe it. Ntah gmn caranya kita nyampe di tempat itu. Hotel itu bergaya interior art noveau sedikit art deco (ok analisis interior designer dimulai) dengan ambience
suram, mostly yellow light, lampu2 redup, dengan motif wallpaper dari tahun 40-an (I guess). Lift nya lift yg sering difilm-film hollywood mafia-mafiaan, yang besi-besi n keliatan dalemnya gt...

Jadi critanya kita lg jalan-jalan dikoridor. Trus tmenku blg barangnya ketinggalan, jd mau ngambil lg kekamar. Aku disuru nunggu di koridor. Dipencet lah tombol lift yang 'up' sm dia. Tpi orang2 sesama pengunjung hotel blg, "mas, klo naek lift ini hati2 ya. Ada yg bisa gak kembali lg lho". Spontan aku protes donk. Nyuruh dia batalin ambil barangnya. Tp dia ngotot, "klo gak
diambil repot, aku udah janji mau ngasiin k orang" katanya. Ya sudah aku mengalah, dengan catatan dia balik ke lantai tempat kta pisah. ya udah aku nunggu. Selang beberapa menit dy balik. Trnyata evrything's fine. Dengan muka curiga aku jalan lg sama dia. Dianya sih nyantai2 aja. ...... (cerita terpotong, klo dlm film ibaratnya ganti scene,dengan sedikit sensor).

Tiba2 kita udah ada di bar hotel yang sangat kolonial. dan di depan kita ada seorang gubernur jendral Inggris dr jaman penjajahan di India!!!! My gosh, seorang gubernur jendral dr zaman kolonial.... is it real or not, I don't care anymore.... N u know what we're talking about?
"Pak Gubernur Jendral, (in English, of course)... Saya pengen tau, bisa tolong dijelasin gak sama saya. Kok bisa Inggris menjajah ditunggu dulu, dipersiapkan dengan baik2 dulu semuanya, dengan cara diplomatis, klo negara calon jajahannya keliatan kurang welcome, dibangun fasilitas dulu disana, baru dicerdaskan. Sedangkan Belanda sebaliknya?"Lalu dia mulai mengambil cerutunya, menghisapnya dengan santai (gaya mafia tentunya), lalu berkata
"Yah, gitulah... Inggris, gitulah Belanda..."

Damn it... pasti gara2 ngerjain DI Hotel Kolonial semalam suntuk!!

Why good people are poor?

2008-04-16T18:01:00.002+07:00

That question running through my mind a couple times. Today I meet a man who works at a minimarket near my home. He deliveres mineral waters. And I must say, he definitely had this manner. Touching my heart, honestly. bagaimana dia menyapa dengan ramah dan sopan, sebagai seorang pengantar air minum, bagaimana dia permisi, dengan ramahnya dia tersenyum, seolah-olah harinya berjalan dengan ga ada masalah sama sekali. And again I say... He's touching my heart. Berapa sih upahnya sebagai seorang karyawan mini market? Belum lg klo dia harus biayain keluarganya... Istri, anak, dsb.. Well, it's not really a nice life, you know. People like this, I meet many of them, this past 3 years of my life, they really work with their heart.

Why... dengan sopan santun dan keramahan itu...mereka stay begitu-begitu saja? Just livin their life like that day by day.. Dan hal-hal kayak gini nih yg bikin hari saya ngga tenang. Karena ketemu sama org2 kyk begini bisa bikin saya kepikiran terus, wondering hidup seperti apa sih yang mereka jalani.. Alam pikiran saya suka berimajinasi sendiri... Keluar deh sisi melankolis itu... Karena menurut saya karakter sopan santun itu mental orang sukses, karena datang dari hati. dan ironisnya banyak orang-orang dengan status sosial dan ekonomi yang jauh diatas mereka, supposed had that, tapi ngga milikin karakter itu. So sad...

Well, sepertinya hari ini Jessica harus ngomong sama dirinya sendiri... Calm down, Jessica. God is good all the time. Tuhan itu adil. Ada masanya buat setiap kejadian, dan mungkin kejadian-kejadian yang kamu liat dan alamin itu, harus terjadi, supaya kamu n org lain punya bahan yang cukup bagus untuk direnungin... There's a reason for every situation. And, yea... God is good.
I captured this moment when Monik, Elsa and I spend our Saturday morning at Old Batavia.
That old man, I bet he was handsome when he was younger, nod to me and smile - weakly - when I ask his permit to take a pic of him...